The Ice Breaker – Kushal Ashok

I participated in the 2019 Toastmasters International Speech Contest for District 88 and delivered the following speech:

Dhishoom! Bhishoom! Dhishoom! [Punching and in the air]

Don’t worry, I was just breaking the ice between us. What, you can’t see any ice? That’s because I already broke it. But I didn’t know how to break the ice when I was in school. And so I didn’t have any friends. Until my mother told me a secret. A secret that would define my life.

Miss contest chair, fellow Toastmasters and guests, have you ever had trouble in starting a conversation with someone, have you ever had trouble breaking the ice?

I had a lot of trouble once when I saw a girl, a girl so beautiful that she took my breath away. As she walked towards me in a stunning white dress, the wind started blowing, maple leaves… flying in the air, a song started playing, “You are my fire, the one desire.” I wanted to talk to her so bad, I kept thinking of ideas to start a conversation. In Bollywood movies, the hero sings a song, but you just witnessed how bad I am at singing. In real life, the boy plays the guitar, but I don’t even know how to hold a guitar. In college, boys would just walk up to the girl and say, “Hey, how you doing?” But even the thought of saying hi to her was terrifying. I was truly and utterly terrified. Every time I tried to talk to her, my mouth went dry. Every time I tried to get her attention, my heart started beating so fast [slap the chest], pumping out of my chest. Every time she looked at me, I would start looking here and there. Even though we were in the same room, there was a huge wall of ice between us. I had a weird feeling in my stomach. 

Then I remembered the secret my mother told me, I gathered up the courage, looked at her, and I smiled. For a split second, there was no response. In my head, I was screaming, “Oh My God.” But then the corners of her mouth began to rise, it turned into a beautiful smile. Yes! She was smiling back at me.

The ice wall between us suddenly shattered into a million pieces, and we started dating. But 3 years later, I had to tell her, “Sorry, I can’t be your boyfriend anymore.” So we got… married. Yes, I am her husband now.

What happens once you become a husband, you need… more money. So I went to the senior senior manager (boss boss boss) but I couldn’t talk to him. I was so nervous that my knees started knocking and my hands became sweaty. I used that sweat to clean my face.

Then I remembered the secret my mother told me, I looked at him and smiled. The corners of his mouth began to rise, and guess what happened… no, we didn’t get married. He smiled back and the ice wall between us shattered into a million pieces. It gave me the opportunity to ask him, Boss, Boss, Boss, can you please send me on-site to another country, where I can make more money. At the end of that conversation he said, “OK, you can go to China.” I came out of the meeting room, my friend Chandragopala was waiting for me there. 

[Shaking his head] “Are you stupid? Why are you going to China? They don’t understand you, you don’t understand them, you can’t eat half the food on their menu, how will you survive?”

I packed my bags and traveled 4000km [long walk] … have patience, it’s 4000. When I reached the airport, I got into a taxi. But I couldn’t understand the driver, he couldn’t understand me. For a few seconds, we just looked at each other. Then I remembered the secret my mother told me, I smiled and the corners of his mouth began to rise. The ice wall between us shattered into a million pieces, and we started talking using body language. We even became friends on Wechat.

Today, it has been more than 3 years since I came to China. I broke the ice of inexperience and learned to use chopsticks. I broke the ice of my habits and learned to drink hot water. Hot water is good for your health. I broke the ice of ignorance and started to learn Mandarin. “Weishengjian Zai Naar?” “Where is the toilet?”

Learning something new like Mandarin can be hard. Building new relationships with people you don’t know can be a real challenge. You should all remember the secret my mother told… you don’t need to use force to break the ice, sometimes all you need is eye contact and an honest smile. An honest smile can break down the ice wall and open many doors for you.

Let’s break it together and make it shatter into a million pieces.

Miss Contest Chair.

Q&A after Toastmasters Workshop – Your Body Speaks

Your Body Speaks

In December 2012, I walked into a room full of people where I was asked to speak for 2 minutes on a topic which was revealed after calling me to the front. I wasn’t sure what to say but everyone seemed friendly so I started sharing my thoughts candidly. I could see them smiling and nodding as I spoke. When I finished speaking, the host shook my hand and everyone clapped in appreciation. I felt a strong sense of achievement and was more confident than before. A few days later on 1st January 2013 I joined Toastmasters International. From Vice President Public Relations to an Area Director, from a table topic speech to runner up of District 88’s 2018 International Speech Contest, from a club’s new member to a Distinguished Toastmaster, I have learned a lot from this organization over the years.

Q&A

1. Why did you choose this topic – Your Body Speaks?

Well, I did not choose this topic. I had delivered a similar workshop at another club when I was pursuing the DTM award, and I believe the members and guests liked it enough to recommend this workshop again in a different setting. I did use the slides from last time, but I performed more research and made it more interactive this time. I hope I get invited to do this again soon.

2. Do you practice what you preach? Are you using the tips that you shared in the workshop?

Absolutely, I have always had a keen interest in acting and Toastmasters International gives me a lot of opportunities to practice those skills. Everyone has a story to tell, but only few of those stories get our attention or remain with us for a long time. I strongly believe that body language is a very important aspect of public speaking. Even if you are standing behind a lectern.

3. What would you like your audience to remember after your workshop?

I wish they could remember all of it but even I had to refer to my presentation slides while delivering the workshop 😀 .  The reason I made the workshop more interactive was for the audience to engage and experience it themselves. So to answer your question, I guess it doesn’t matter if they remember to use a gesture at a particular time or not, it doesn’t matter if they move across the stage at a particular pace or not. What matters is that they enjoy telling their story so much, that they forget everything else and use their whole body to express. That should be most convincing and legitimate use of their body language.

4. Would you like to recommend any book or reading material on your topic?

I would recommend a book written by my mentor and an accredited speaker Margaret Hope, which is called: “You’re Speaking – But Are You Connecting?” https://www.amazon.com/dp/0968397301/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_ep_dp_F2w-BbW1Z19WT

Read more posts about Toastmasters

Interview after becoming DTM (Distinguished Toastmaster)

1) Looking back now, what were the most amazing moments that you had at Toastmasters?
I have had amazing moments at Toastmasters right from the first month. I’d like to share two of them with you:
a) When I joined the club as a member, I was requested to serve as the Vice President of Public Relations right away. So my first week of Toastmasters was all about creating online profiles for our club. I used all of my social media marketing skills on Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, etc. I even created a website using FreeToasthost and started inviting our members to join the club network on each of these platforms. All the club members really appreciated my efforts and it gave me a chance to connect with each of them on a personal level. As we worked together as a team, we were able to accomplish a lot. It was an amazing time as I got to share my first few months at Toastmasters with the most enthusiastic members of the club, the executive committee.
b) The second amazing thing I’d like share would be the phone call I received one night from the Division Director in India. Before that call, I was only aware of the roles and responsibilities of a club officer. But then, I was told that I have been nominated by the District Director for Area Director’s post. I was not sure what has happened, as it took me some time to connect the dots. It turned out that the District Director had visited our club during one of the Area Level Contests, and I was the contest chair on that day. The stage control that I exhibited on that day and the short meeting I had with the District Director, made her nominate me for the next cycle. I took the opportunity and it changed my perspective towards Toastmasters. I met a lot of passionate people who were using their skills even outside of Toastmasters to make the world a better place.

2) How did you plan your goals at Toastmasters, was it always your plan to become a DTM?
DTM was not one of my goals until I achieved Advanced Leader Bronze. When I was working on the ALB submission form, I saw the blank columns against the projects related to DTM and I decided to fill them up soon. It’s always good to have a proper plan in Toastmasters. In fact, planning is one of the important skills we learn here. So I always try to complete one or the other project when I attend any of the Toastmasters meetings. Getting all the check marks on your manuals is a great feeling and we should never shy away from following them.

3) What does a DTM mean to you?
A synonym for distinguished is “well known” and that’s what it means to me. After going through all the projects and meetings and serving as a District Officer, you are bound to be well known and this title helps people identify you. It means that I have good experience of Toastmasters and can help fellow members by sharing my experience. It also means that I have got a chance to meet some of the most amazing Toastmasters while completing all the projects that are designed for this journey.

4) As the first DTM in XHTMC and 2nd DTM in Division H, what suggestion would you give to those who want to become a DTM?
I would suggest performing a good research whenever you set a goal. I have always double checked the rules and guidelines either at the website or by emailing membership@toastmasters.org directly. Since Toastmasters is such a big organization, it’s easy to get confused or misunderstand the rules which might have been translated or reinterpreted. I joined Toastmasters at a corporate club and we used to communicate via emails. It taught me the importance of being professional, especially when it comes to things like rules. So I would urge the fellow members to always stay updated and only rely on the single source of truth: http://toastmasters.org

5) With great power, comes great responsibilities. What is your plan for the coming future?
There are a lot of projects in the journey of a DTM which requires us to help fellow members. In fact, one of the requirements that I recently fulfilled for submission of my ACG award was to Coach a new member with his or her first three speeches. So helping fellow members have always been a priority and it would stay as it is, while I plan my future projects.

6) Would you like to be a club officer again?
I have served as a club officer 4 times and I understand the kind of responsibilities that come along with it. Since I have been moving from one city to another, serving as an officer has not been possible recently. But I would definitely serve as an officer when I have a concrete 6 months plan. I want to make sure that I am able to meet all the expectations, not just from the members but the ones I have from myself as an officer.

7) Would you be joining the Pathways program?
I already have! I am pursuing a path called “effective coaching” and I can see the difference Pathways is making in our lives. The online content makes it easy to get the required information and training while providing us with a tailor designed path to follow.

8) What does your family think about your Toastmasters journey?
My parents have always been supportive and I remember explaining the importance of Toastmasters to them. My wife has been very understanding and is always the first audience for all of my speeches. She even helps me by taking notes and suggesting changes.

9) You secured the second place at District 88 International Speech Contest held in Harbin this year. What would like to share about that?
Participating in contests can be scary since you will be judged by a panel of judges. Also, because of the expectations from fellow club members. In fact, my final speech was about conquering this fear itself. I would suggest to all Toastmasters, that they make sure they participate in the contests, irrespective of their level of preparation. You can watch the interview taken after the contest as well as the Division level speech at http://blog.kushalashok.com/2018/05/18/runner-up-district-88-toastmasters-international-speech-contest/

10) What would you like to say to Hi-Tech Club officers and members?
I would like to thank all the members and club officers of Xi’an Hi-tech toastmasters club for helping me get 4 awards in the last 8 months. These have been the most progressive 8 months of my Toastmasters journey. It would not have been possible without the support that I got and the friendly environment maintained during and after the club meetings.

Defining Toastmasters with Infographics

I was preparing a sales pitch for introducing the idea of Toastmasters to my audience. That is when I decided that I shall use the most popular medium of conveying information these days, called infographics. I started off with a google search which took me to the list of tools at hongkiat.com. I first created an infographic by providing my Linkedin profile details to vizualize.me. After going through a few more options and watching some videos, I finally started working on easel.ly. This post has some of the infographics that I created with this online tool within an hour or so. I am planning to use them in my presentation about Toastmasters and will be looking forward to the audience’s response.

Transcript:

“Every day above ground is a good day.” But what makes that day better is something that you can decide. After working for more than 9 hours (on clock) you need something to make you feel better. Unless you are an Apple developer with a 7-figure salary, your job is not going to do that for you. Toastmasters international has given us an opportunity to do just that; to come out of our 6 by 6 cubicle and use our voice to communicate our thoughts. Yes, this cannot happen over a Virtual classroom session, and yes this does not need a 6 digit passcode. But the way we interact in this room is far more clear and meaningful than any of the conference calls that you have attended today. And we are not alone in this. We have more than 292,000 comrades spread over the globe. That is more than twice the population of our favorite holiday destination Shimla. There are about 14,350 clubs functioning now in 122 different countries. Today I am going to put many such facts in front of you and let you decide the definition of a Toastmaster.

So where did this all begin from? There must be someone who thought about this first. Do any of you know the name of that person? Yes. It was in 1924 when Mr. Ralph C. Smedley organized the first ever Toastmasters meeting in Santa Ana, California. It took him two years to open a second club in the same city but then it gained momentum and within a year, the federation of toastmasters clubs was established. With the number of clubs increasing, it became difficult to keep up similarity, to follow the same rules. Because no matter how well you communicate with a person, you can never create a carbon copy of your thoughts in his mind. That is when the first manual for Toastmasters clubs was introduced in 1928.

In 1930, Toastmasters International got incorporated and the newsletter was rolled out. Thus it was clear that clubs were being formed outside of United States. The first of which was chartered in British Columbia, Canada. With more and more clubs being chartered, in just 8 years the count reached a 100. Remember that when I refer to 8 years as ‘just’, I am talking about chartering 100 new clubs when the task of introducing the idea of Toastmasters was totally different from giving a power-point aided presentation. And with the advent of the 100^th club, began the inter-club speech contest.

30 years went by, and Mr. Smedley continued serving this non-profit educational organization. Thus, in 1963 he was acclaimed with the Golden Gavel award. After 2 years, he died; but he left an idea; an idea that we all are celebrating here today; an idea that has changed thousands of lives. But did you know that Toastmasters clubs were only open to men? It was only in 1973 when women were welcomed as club members. And as I will show you with the help of my next graphic, this gender base got quite strong.

As with the timeline, technology was developing fast. In 2007, the toastmasters.org got completely redesigned. Though I am not very impressed with the present design either; I felt better when I learned that not only a twitter feed was launched, but also an e-learning platform was developed in the year 2009. Finally in the year 2011, a major step was taken which is most important for any brand’s development. A unique logo was designed and was propagated to all the clubs via various brand refresh techniques such as the video brand contest.

When I compared the member count to the population of Shimla, I was talking about a specific group of people. So definitely, we need to look at who these people are. In contrast with the fact that women started joining 50 years late, the average percentage of female members in a Toastmasters club is 52%.

It is often said, “Behind every successful man there is a woman”. But in this case, along with every successful man, there was a successful woman. This fact gets established when we look at the average annual income of toastmasters which ranges from 50,000 to 75,000 dollars. 30% of these members earn more than 100,000 dollars annually. And I assure you that I am not talking about billionaires like Dhirubhai Ambani or Subhash Chandra Goel who never attended any college. Most of these members have a Bachelor’s degree and 35% of them have completed their masters too. These masterminds are working at renowned corporates like Google, Apple, Sony and Disney.

So what makes you a Toastmaster? I mean, who is a Toastmaster? What does this person do? I will take the help of this Venn diagram to explain. The three essential ingredients are confidence, voice modulation and content. To have an effective stage presence you need proper gestures that you can use while showcasing your acting skills. Your expressions play an important role in convincing your audience. You should try practicing in front of a mirror and learn when to change the pitch and tone of your voice. While such practice sessions help you remember the content, only with experience can you meet mastery. And as you gain confidence, the importance of the other factors starts reducing. For instance, if you don’t have this big pie of content ready. Just take part in the table-topics and try to speak impromptu. At the end of the day, this wish to speak is what makes a toastmaster.

Reference: Wikipedia and toastmasters.org